Saturday, July 25, 2015

Planning Events

A few months back I volunteered to plan my sorority chapter retreat. Now normally this wouldn't be a big deal but for someone like me who has anxiety, being responsible for such an event is panic inducing. I'm not sure what made me volunteer. I guess I forgot what planning such an event does to me or maybe I wanted to push myself. The funny thing is I'm a good planner. My anxiety "helps" me over analyze everything. ALL.THE.TIME

It is a slow torture. Then I start to worry and obsesses over every step of the planning process and every decision I've made. I worry nonstop. I worry about if people will show up, if people will enjoy themselves, that everything I planned won't work, the list is endless. 

I drive myself crazy. In order not to drive others crazy I usually downplay my level of obsession and worry. 

When my husband and I had our first dinner party I was in knots the whole time up until people arrived and the food was served. Of course when people didn't arrive on time it was like my one of my fears coming true. I almost had a panic attack. 

How could I forget no one arrives to a party on time? (For the record people didn't start showing up until a hour after the party was supposed to start). 

I wish I could say that I got over it as we entertained more but that would be a lie. I think I did better when our guests arrived but it was always a stressful time.  

Planning my wedding was not a good situation for me. I didn't enjoy one second of it and now I regret it.   My friend is getting married next year and watching her thoroughly revel in the planning process makes me realize how much I missed out on. 

I wish my brain was different. Maybe that is why I volunteered, maybe I was hoping for a better me. 

The retreat is tomorrow and of course I have a million things I'm worried about. I've been singing Let it Go in my head and reminding myself that "what's done is done." Tomorrow I'll use my best anti-anxiety techniques. Maybe I'll actually have a good time. Wish me luck. 

1 comment:

Quiet Riot said...

From what I saw, it looked like everyone had a great time. However, I also suffer from a similar anxiety. Flaky people have not helped with that.