Friday, June 20, 2014

Birthday Blues

My birthday was this week and normally I would be ecstatic. I love birthdays. This year I was unhappy. It wasn't about getting older; it was about that a whole year has passed and I'm still in the same position I was in last year. Yes, I was able to move back to my favorite state but I'm facing yet another summer without a full-time teaching position. 

This situation is my worse nightmare. One of my biggest concerns when I thought about teaching was the uncertainty of receiving a contract year after year. I finished this school year as a long-term substitute. I knew that school was not going to offer me a job but was so sure its sister school wanted me. 

After two rounds of interviews and a demonstration lesson I was not selected. Not only was my ego bruised but all that time I spent wooing them-wasted. Also I'm still a substitute there, how am I going to show my face in the fall? Speaking of faces they knew they didn't pick me but spent the last couple of days of school smiling in my face instead of just telling me. I had to wait two weeks after they said they would let me know to receive the rejection email. 

On my birthday I received another rejection letter. It was from my second choice school. 

Let me stop here and explain something. I've only been turned down from one job before this. I only applied to one college (and got in). I'm not use to this amount of rejection. It's demoralizing. 
I take birthday cakes seriously!!

Basically I spent my birthday feeling shitty about myself until my husband gave me a pep talk and a huge slice of lemon cake. Then my best friend called and gave me the best uplifting speech. I'm usually the strong one in our relationship but it was so nice to have her support and love when I most needed it. 

I realized those jobs were not for me and my job is coming but damn does it suck to be unemployed again. (Actually, I have two substitute positions but I'm on call. It is extremely rare for a school to need a sub for summer school). I am in a better position than I was last year. I have my teaching license for California. I just need someone to realize how awesome I am and how much I want to make a difference in the lives of young people.

I was just lecturing my students about faith. It is a classic case of I need to practice what I teach.