Friday, January 17, 2014

Unemployment Problems

The other day I posted this video 10 Awkward Moments When You're Unemployed. 

It was completely hilarious and completely true. I laughed and sympathized. It is the story of my life right now. 

The truth is, I'm struggling y'all. I recently had one of those days where I was feeling completely low and dissatisfied with where I am in life.

I want my life back. I feel like I'm not me anymore. I miss being able to do the things I use to do. It's not just about not being able to go shopping but I hate missing out on opportunities. If I do go out it has to be planned down the the dollar. After not being careful with my money for so long this extreme planning is against my nature. Maybe it is a good lesson that I needed to learn.  

In theory it is nice to not have to put on a bra everyday and go to work.  But I fear I'm losing my skills. What if I forget how to teach or how to inspire my students? I'm afraid I'll be the teacher on the what not to do example videos they show us during teacher training. I'm afraid that when I do go back to work, I will be the weird anti-social coworker. Or worse the over-eager super social coworker. 

I'm also afraid I'm enjoying being at home. Part of me loves being able to stay up all night and sleep all day. I've discovered daytime television and I like it. I can take a nap anytime. I've been working on writing my novels. The only responsibility I have is to find a job. 

When one of my friends was laid-off/fired they always appeared to bounce back . Their life barely interrupted.  A new job secured quickly.  I wonder if the "bouncing back" was just a facade and they were silently freaking out like I am now.  If they were, I feel like I was a shitty friend because the next person that tells me "it will all work out" is getting stabbed. 

Since I promised myself I was going to be more positive in 2014 I decided to take all these negative fears and thoughts and create a vision board for what I do want. When I'm feeling low I can look at my vision board and know what is coming. I'll get started on that...right after my nap. 


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