Friday, November 22, 2013

Stop Talking Sh*t about Marriage

I'm reading Mindy Kaling's book Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me (and Other Concerns)  She has a whole chapter entitled Married People Need to Step It Up. 

Mindy writes "I've also became familiar with and entirely new category of people: the unhappily married person. They are everywhere, and they are ten thousand time more depressing than a divorced person." 

Completely true! I am so sick of these negative people.  I always end up in the conversations with these people. It is like they can sense my complete happiness and they must crush it. 

The conversations usually goes like this:

Me: Something mushy and awesome about my husband 

Person: How long have you been married?

Me: Almost 4 years. We've been together 6 years. 

Person: oh you're still newlyweds [SN: seriously how long do we have to be married before we're not newlyweds].  Wait until you've been married 7 years. Then you'll be sick of each other. Tired of looking at his face. You'll start looking at other people (I wish I was making this up). 

Why would someone say that to me or any married person? For some reason I expect people to be more supportive. One of the things I love about premarital counseling is that they usually pair the soon-to-be-married with an older married couple. The older married couple encourages the younger couple; they give them insight, they support them, they guide them. 

That is how it should be. We should be celebrating love and being married all the time. It shouldn't be the butt of a joke. It shouldn't be easily dismissed. It's important. 

Another thing that upsets me is the couple-y/married  who always proclaim how relationships are a ton of work. I completely disagree. 

And so does Mindy:  "I guess I think happiness can come in a bunch of forms, and maybe a marriage with tons of work makes people feel happy. But part of me still it really so hard to make it work?" 

No it's not. I'm not saying that relationship don't take work but not the kind of "work" usually mean. I don't think relationships should be stressful. I don't think there should be a constant struggle. Relationship work in my mind should be remembering to compliment your partner,  randomly buying them their favorite candy, rubbing their back, saying I love you. 

So yes it's time that marriage people step up. Represent love and marriage proudly. Isn't that what we are all striving for?

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