Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2014 On Deck

It is hours away from 2014 and I'm sick. 

I wanted to be looking fabulous and partying hard at my friends house. Instead I'm going to pump myself full of medicine, look halfway decent, stop by the party and take myself home.

Last year was so unexpected it was hard to make resolutions for 2014. I kept them simple this year. Easy enough to follow through. 

The biggest thing I learned this year is that it is okay to take a risk. It was scary to return to California. It was something I really wanted to do but I was scared. Terrified. My husband and I talked about it. We prayed about it and we finally just jumped in. It was not easy. It was a little uncomfortable but I know it was the right decision. 

So for 2014 I wish you bravery, love, happiness, and a little bit of uncomfortable (it helps you appreciate the good times).

Monday, December 23, 2013

Christmas in California

This is the first Christmas I've spent with my family in years...seriously I can't remember the last time we were all together for Christmas. I'm trying not to build it up as a huge deal but I'm beyond excited and somewhat emotional about it. We rarely "did" Christmas growing up but when we did it was special. To be honest I  thought we were going to skip it this year. I didn't feel like celebrating however my mother swooped in and somehow pushed me into the Christmas spirit. 

These are a few of my favorite family Christmas Traditions:

1.  A non-traditional meal- We never have a traditional meal for Christmas. On the menu this year is gumbo and lamb. One year we had BBQ. We've also had salmon be the star of the holiday dinner. 

2. Hanging out in pjs- It probably will not happen this year (there are a lot more men in the family) but the last Christmas I remember my mom, sister, and I staying in our pajamas all day watching movies and...

3. Playing board games- We're a very competitive family. The board game competition is fierce and not to be taken lightly. This year my mom purchased the super fancy collector's edition of Clue, which just happens to be my favorite board game. It's about to go down. 

4. Christmas Eve service- I'm not a huge church goer but Christmas Eve service at my church is magical. The candles are lit, everyone is dressed up, the choir is fantastic, the band is playing their hearts out, and the sermon is short but meaningful. I cry every time. 

5. Holiday Sex- like Birthday sex but more naughty. 

6. Holiday music- When my sister and I were kids we would wake up to oldies playing on the record player.  Even though the record player is still in storage, there will be music including this Ceelo song I'm obsessed with...





What holiday traditions are you looking forward to most?

Sunday, December 15, 2013

You Are Beautiful

I watched this Dove commercial and I'll admit it made it a little weepy. I know if I had to describe myself to a sketch artist I would probably be negative.

I think women are too hard on ourselves and each other. We want to be perfect according to some unattainable ideals. I'm sure if they conducted this experiment with men the men would describe themselves better than what they actually look like. Men are confident that way. 

This video made me start thinking about the power of being positive.  Although I am a confident person when I look in the mirror I see negative. I see the chubby cheeks, old acne scars, and thin lips. I rarely see the cute almond shaped eyes,  fabulous boobs, and killer smile. I shouldn't wait for a fantastic hair day or when I'm all dolled up to see positive image in the mirror. I shouldn't wait to until someone tells me I look fab before I tell myself. 

What if every morning I say something positive and life affirming? How would that change my life? How will it make me feel? I think I am going to make this my 2014 challenge.  

YES it's a little Pollyanna but I believe in the power of the universe. (I also believe in the power of prayer but what is the point in praying then being negative the rest of the time). 

I am going to try to incorporate positive thinking into more things that I do including this job search. Maybe I would have a awesome full-time position by now. (I am THANKFUL for my substitute position). 


**Update** I saw this and I had to post it. I'm not sure if the stats are true but it breaks my heart to know that this could be true. 

It makes me upset because I've seen this negativity manifest itself in our teenage girls. At my former job we had something similar to a photo booth experience. I could always count on the teenage girls commenting on how "ugly" and "fat" they were. Always.  The more shocking part is that as much as we love to blame the "media" for this behavior (and it should take some of the blame) it usually starts at home. I often watch the girls' mothers replay the same scenario when they come to pick up their pictures. The moms would comment on how "fat" and "ugly" they were. Guess what, your daughter is listening and emulating you. That is the message you're sending without even knowing it. 

I've been trolling a bunch of body acceptance blogs for encouragement and positive words. I will be posting this on my mirror so I can see it every morning. It may seem silly but I'm sick of feeling bad for not looking like everyone else. I have a husband who loves me just as I am (tells me I'm beautiful, can't keep his hands off me) and yet I feel like I'm not "perfect" enough for him. WHAT?? The only person putting pressure on me is me. So I'm changing my thinking. This doesn't mean I'm not going to continue to improve my health (read: workout and diet). I'm just taking the pressure off. 


Monday, December 9, 2013

Give The Gift of Thoughtfulness

Every year I struggle with giving gifts for Christmas. Who should I buy gifts for? Do I give a family gift or just gifts for the children? How much should I spend? How much is appropriate to spend? Can I make a gift? 

On the real; I don't like giving Christmas gifts. I don't feel like Christmas should just be about gift giving.  Lately, that is what it all seems to be about, especially with black Friday sales starting before Halloween! 

Christmas should be about spending time with family and friends. In my mind Christmas is a month long Thanksgiving (lots of hanging out with people and amazing food). I love spending time with the people I care about. I also love the parties, dressing up, holiday music and food. Ok, I'll admit, smallish thoughtful gifts are great too. 

One of the best gifts I have ever received was pretty inexpensive. The gift was something that I mentioned I wanted months before. I was unable to locate it. The person was able find it and give it to me.  It touched my heart and meant a lot to me. 

Part of my Christmas struggle is not trying to buy the biggest/best gift.  First, I really don't have money like that and second, it's not a competition. I have to remind myself that there is no winning for giving the best gift. No need to go overboard. 

This year, everyone knows I'm unemployed and therefore broke. The gifts, if any, will be smaller, handmade and completely meaningful. My hope is that people will appreciate that I made the effort to show them love in a form of a gift.

Actually, my hope is that we all appreciate each other and enjoy the holidays with loved ones.  


SN: I did get a job as a substitute teacher. I'm on call until they hire me full time (fingers crossed) or I find something else. 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Interview Hair

I finally scored an interview at a school! When I told my mother, the second question she asked me was how are you going to wear your hair?

I suspect if I was still wearing my hair straight  this question would not have come up, but in the last 5 months I've started wearing more natural hairstyles (twist-outs, puffs, braids). Currently I'm rocking a cute flat twist-out. It is completely face flattering but I'm not sure about wearing it to a interview.

There is no way I could graduate from Howard University and not know how to prepare for a interview. Experts always recommend you go for a conservative look for interviews unless you are applying for a really creative job. Unfortunately, I don't think teaching counts as "creative".  A conservative look usually means hair pulled back from your face, nothing puffy, big or showy. 




I hate that we still have to have this hair debate but every few months there is another article about how a school or workplace rejected a woman who was wearing her hair in a natural style. So it seems that the world still has issues with women wearing puffs, dreadlocks, braid-outs and fros. 

When I look at pictures of women in 1970s I see a lot of women rocking natural hairstyles. It seems like the natural hair movement stopped with the formality of the 1980s. I feel like this new natural hair movement is picking up steam. I hope it sticks. 

If I decide to straighten my hair for the interview and I get the job, when do I show up with my curly/kinky do? The first day? A week later? A month later? 

What do you think? What is the perfect interview hair? 


**update** I read this fantastic article on Is America Bent on Convincing Black Women that Their Beauty is Unacceptable. I have so many thoughts about this I might do another blog post but seriously I feel like black women are continuiously made to feel not as pretty as other races. 

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Day My Dreams were Crushed

I've never told this story before so dear readers you are getting an exclusive. 

I never knew what I wanted to do when I got older until senior year of high school. My best friend talked me into joining her in the Newspaper class. I always loved to write and having a class with my BFF was a bonus. Easy A. I completely fell in love with the craft. I loved learning how to write grafs, complete layouts, writing editorials, and copy editing. I can't even describe the feeling you get when people are reading what you write. 

In community college I declared journalism as my major and signed up for the Newspaper class. The paper had been dormant for years. I was proud to get it up and running on campus. We were pretty successful; winning awards at our first conference. I even became editor during my last year.  

When I transferred to Howard University. I felt slightly intimidated by the sheer talent of the journalism students. They had passion. They were amazing writers. They had unbelievable resumes. I didn't feel like I measured up. I persevered although those feeling were just below surface level.  

The summer before senior year I completed my (required) internship. I slaved interned at a small family-owned newspaper. I was so proud of that job. I was proud of the work I did. Of course seeing my bylines in the paper was validating. I met a couple of great reporters that mentored me. Despite everything I felt like wasn't "getting it." I also felt like I didn't fit in. It was the same uneasiness and insecurity I felt when I was in the school's newspaper meetings. 

When my internship was over I turned in all my paperwork and didn't think anything of it until I went to pick up my completed packet with my evaluation from the editor.  

Here is what she wrote: 

"She didn't show a lot of initiative to take advantage of while she was here, trying to do more stories, etc. She was cooperative enough but needed a lot of direction and editing on stories. She needs more energy, more spunk, as well as better skills in writing and reporting. She was very willing to do what was asked, but never tried to do much more" 
I was crushed. I sat there stunned. The department chair offered a couple of conciliatory words [Sometimes perception may or may not be accurate]. I went back to my dorm room and cried. I could take the editor talking about my writing; it's part of the job, but she shredded me personally. I didn't show initiative?? You shot down my ideas so I gave up. More energy? Did she forget I was taking summer school classes AND working AND doing the internship??  

I took it as the final sign that I was not meant for journalism. It was too late to change my major and I intended to graduate on time. I finished my last year at HU knowing that I will probably never be a journalist. It hurt. I felt more lost and confused than ever before. 

I was probably not as thick-skinned as I needed to be. I'm mad that 23-year-old me let insecurity and one nasty evaluation shake me to my core. I changed my entire life direction because of this. 

There is no way I'd let that happen today. 

Friday, November 22, 2013

Stop Talking Sh*t about Marriage

I'm reading Mindy Kaling's book Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me (and Other Concerns)  She has a whole chapter entitled Married People Need to Step It Up. 

Mindy writes "I've also became familiar with and entirely new category of people: the unhappily married person. They are everywhere, and they are ten thousand time more depressing than a divorced person." 


Completely true! I am so sick of these negative people.  I always end up in the conversations with these people. It is like they can sense my complete happiness and they must crush it. 


The conversations usually goes like this:


Me: Something mushy and awesome about my husband 


Person: How long have you been married?


Me: Almost 4 years. We've been together 6 years. 


Person: oh you're still newlyweds [SN: seriously how long do we have to be married before we're not newlyweds].  Wait until you've been married 7 years. Then you'll be sick of each other. Tired of looking at his face. You'll start looking at other people (I wish I was making this up). 


Why would someone say that to me or any married person? For some reason I expect people to be more supportive. One of the things I love about premarital counseling is that they usually pair the soon-to-be-married with an older married couple. The older married couple encourages the younger couple; they give them insight, they support them, they guide them. 


That is how it should be. We should be celebrating love and being married all the time. It shouldn't be the butt of a joke. It shouldn't be easily dismissed. It's important. 


Another thing that upsets me is the couple-y/married  who always proclaim how relationships are a ton of work. I completely disagree. 


And so does Mindy:  "I guess I think happiness can come in a bunch of forms, and maybe a marriage with tons of work makes people feel happy. But part of me still thinks...is it really so hard to make it work?" 


No it's not. I'm not saying that relationship don't take work but not the kind of "work" usually mean. I don't think relationships should be stressful. I don't think there should be a constant struggle. Relationship work in my mind should be remembering to compliment your partner,  randomly buying them their favorite candy, rubbing their back, saying I love you. 


So yes it's time that marriage people step up. Represent love and marriage proudly. Isn't that what we are all striving for?





Tuesday, November 19, 2013

FEAR: F(alse) E(motions) A(ppearing) R(eal)

I have this amazing idea for a company.

It makes me mad because I know this is probably the "right" time for me to start a company but most likely I will not do it.

I know it can be successful. I know the products. I've been a manager. I know business.There is a pretty big demand and almost a non-existent supply. I've outlined a basic business plan. I would love to be my own boss. I love my idea. It makes me excited to plan it but everything stops there. 

I can't or won't execute it it. Besides not have the start-up funds to get this company going; it could be a huge financial gamble. 

And I don't gamble. 

I've come across a few articles lately outlining the difference between how rich people think and how middle class people think. My thinking is a textbook example why I am not a millionaire. Rich people take risks. Middle class people don't. 

It's scary. I think about all the bloggers/You Tubers/Etsy-ers who took their idea and started making money. They were not scared to jump in and follow their dreams. They make it seem so easy.  

How do people get over that fear? It feels bigger than a fear of failure. It is like a fear of wasting money, failing, being broke, hating it, not being good at it....I could go on. That's how big the fear is. 

Fear is a future emotion yet I let it rule my present life. I'm disappointed with myself. I find that as I get older the risks get bigger so I take fewer of them. In reality we're supposed to be able to gauge our risks better and make better choices. It's cliché
 but true "the greater the risk; the greater the reward." 

I recently met a small business owner. I loved her enthusiasm and passion for her products (bras). My goal is to visit her on Small Business Saturday (November 30, 2013) but also pick her brain about starting a business. 

Baby steps! 

Monday, November 11, 2013

Ten Worse Customer Service Infractions

Last year I wrote about the Top 10 Annoying Habits of Customers. As the holiday shopping season approaches I thought I would revisit except I'm doing the Ten Worse Customer Service Infractions. 

I expect the BEST customer service.  I've gone through the best training programs and have personally trained staff members. I treat people extremely well and I expect to be treated the same.  I think it is important to speak up when customer service is not up to par.

Top Ten Worse Customer Service Infractions is when people...


1. are rude: I completely understand they have had a very long day. I know my face is a long sea of faces but a customer service rep should always be polite. 

2.  carry on a conversation with their co-worker  (Or have an entirely inappropriate conversation): 
I get it. I use to have amazing (and sometimes inappropriate) conversations with my coworkers but never in front of customers. I should not feel like I'm intruding on their conversation. 

3.  play with their cell: Unless the customer service rep works for Apple or Verizon I doubt they are allowed to be on their phones. I also should not have to wait for them to  "finish the level" before I can get assistance (true story) 

4.  hide: we've all be there; trying to find a sales rep to open up the dressing room door but they all have disappeared. 

5.  don't know their job: Why do I know more about their inventory than they do?  One time at Target an employee told me that he is only a seasonal employee and he didn't know anything.  WHAT?? 

6.  don't listen: is there anything worse then explaining your issue and the person didn't hear anything you said?

7.  don't follow through: If you told me my car was going to be done in an hour and two hours later, I'm still sitting here= bad customer service. If  you say you are going to return my phone call...RETURN THE CALL! 

When I...

8.  Can't find a phone number to call: I should not have to Google a telephone number only to find it on some random message board (true story) 

9.  Can't get a person on the phone: When I call a certain local government phone number I literally have to hit a bunch of random numbers in a row to trigger the transfer to a real-live person 

10.  receive crappy quality product: Standards, Standards, Standards! 

I found this great article about how to deal with bad customer service. Remember no matter how bad the customer service is maintain your cool. 

Have fun shopping! 


Monday, November 4, 2013

When Did it Become Ok to be a Flake?

I recently posted this article about "How did it Get to Be 'Ok' for Everyone to be Late for Everything" on Facebook. Many people commented on it expressing their agreement on people being late and justifying it.

The writer points out that people don't even bother with excuses anymore. They just show up late without apologizing.  Am I supposed to plan around knowing you will be 25 minutes late?

The husband and I planned a party. I was freaking out because we forgot something that required a run to the store. Of course we didn't realize it until 5 minutes before the party was to start. Needless to say all that worrying was for nothing. Everyone was LATE. The party didn't start until an hour later. Then I had a minor freak out that no one was coming because of course no one call or texted [is that correct?] to let me know they were running late. While the party turned out great I was a little annoyed because I times the food perfectly.  

What is worse than the late phenomenon is the flaky people. When did it get to be ok for people to make plans and constantly cancel or worse don't show up at all. No call, no text, nothing.

It is like people agree to do a bunch of events and then cancel the one that seems less exciting. It is ridiculous. Is it that hard to commit to a function?

For some reason we don't want to say 'no' to our friends but sometimes we should.  If you don't want to do it, don't do it. 

When you plan a wedding you typically pay for each person- if they show or not. If I am paying $150 a head I expect everyone to show up. Now if they have a completely valid excuse e.g. their child is in the hospital, giving birth, or fell down a flight of stairs. I completely understand them not showing up. 

But please call or text.  Let's all try to be more considerate of each other. It will make the world a better place.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Relationship Guilt

Sometimes I feel relationship guilt. Many of my friends are single and sometimes I feel guilty for having an amazing relationship while they are out there struggling. 

I've been extremely blessed in my relationship but I do remember the struggle

I remember the horrible dates, friends with benefits (seriously I had a guy fall asleep in the middle of sex!), lonely nights, wondering how to meet someone, thinking I'd be single forever, increasing my toy collection, buying Costco size batteries packs (using them all) and listening to my roommate getting laid (loudly). 

Being single sucks (unless you choose to be single).  I am completely sympathetic. I wish I could give singles what I have...

however...

I'm not one of those coupled-up persons who try to hook up all their single friends. I wouldn't want that kind of pressure. I would feel completely responsible for their relationship. If it failed I would feel like I failed. Yes, I would take it that seriously! 

As my husband and I start to talk about making the next step in our relationship. I feel like I'm leaving my single friends behind. It's hard to share the joys without feeling like I'm rubbing it in their face. 

It's probably completely in my head but it's a unstated, whispered fear of mine.  

Good friends are with you no matter what but they do pull away.  I'm scared off the pull. 



Sunday, October 27, 2013

Halloween

I really like Halloween. When I was growing up my mom never let me go trick o' treating. (I use to think it was based on a religious reason but now I think she just didn't want to take me).  My church didn't offer a alternative like most churches do now and the local mall did not have Halloween night.  

I always resented her for denying me this one right of childhood passage. All my friends got to go out! 

The first time I went out for Halloween, was with friends of the family. I begged my mom to let me go out. I somehow got permission so I slapped together a costume and we went out. While we were going door-to-door we noticed that someone turned their old Victorian house into a haunted house. It was amazing/scary/fun. The owners obviously put a ton of thought and creativity into it. 

When I was in Jr. High my friends and I use to have a blast going out and hitting up our neighbors. The next day we would play poker for our unwanted candy. 

At the risk of sounding old. Times were simpler when I was a adolescent. We walked through that strangers' haunted house without a second thought. We went door-to-door.  I don't think my friend's take their kids out for traditional trick o' treating. 

Are we more cautious or are things that bad?

I don't hand out candy anymore. I would only have one or two knocks on the door. (Maybe it was the neighborhood). 

I feel like Halloween has been ruined by skanky costumesracist costumes, and a scary world. It's not fun and innocent anymore. 

I wonder if by the time I get around to having children I won't be able to share these memories with my child.  

I guess there is always Disney! 


Thursday, October 17, 2013

I'm Falling in Love

I'm falling in love with California...again.

I've always had love for my home state. I ALWAYS represented my state (probably to the annoyance of some). I think everyone I encountered knew where I was from and my plans not to stay on the East Coast. 

Despite the setbacks, returning to California has been the best experience. I find myself enjoying the sunshine, everyday. I almost forgot how freaking beautiful the sky is in Northern California. The weather has been on point. The only time I wear socks/shoes is when I go to the gym.

I feel whole here. It is like my life was missing something in DC but it wasn't obvious. I only feel it when I'm here. I feel like ME. (Not that I wasn't myself in DC). I also forgot how nice and laid back people are. It's just a relaxed feeling here. 

When I drive through the city I admire the rivers, the buildings and the scenery.  They make me smile and sigh. The same way I did when I would drive over the 14th street bridge in DC and spot the Lincoln Memorial with the Washington Monument punctuating the sky.

Maybe I just have a thing for architecture. 

There is also something to be said about being surrounded by people who have known you forever. Hanging out with my best friend (who I'm afraid I've neglected while I was in DC) feels familiar and comfortable. We're still wise cracking and fast talking but more mature.  I love that I can see my sister when I want. I didn't realize I missed her until she invited the hubby and I over to watch our Oakland Raiders lose yet another game. She cooked and I was in heaven.

Next month my mom returns to California. All my [close] family will be in the same state!! As corny as it sounds I'm looking forward to Sunday dinners with my family.

 I'll admit that I grew very fond of DC. I'll miss it in some ways. I matured there--I arrived when I was 20, left at 23, returned at 24 and finally left again at 32. But something the GBFF [that is Gay Best Friend Forever] said the other day stuck with me. He said I'm [now] in the city where people go to settle down and start families.  

I'm finally ready. 

Sunday, October 6, 2013

No More Naked Sundays

I don't know quite how it happened but soon after arriving in California and the whole not having a place to stay it was determined that my dad would be living with us, temporarily.

WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING???

Seriously!

I've been on my own since I was 18 except for that brief year I moved home after I graduated from Howard. It was miserable. My husband and I have been living together since we got married almost 4 years ago except for the brief two weeks in between apartments when we lived with his mom. It was miserable. 

Having him live with us is like having a weird  related-to-me roommate. 

Do we cook dinner for him? No

Why is he eating my special only-for-me food? 

How can he watch CNN and MSNBC ALL DAY! [We only have one TV until our stuff arrives from DC]. Trying to find something that 3 people can watch together is interesting. 

My biggest issue is the car. My dad's car is dead. (One of the reason's he is living with us is to save money to buy a motor home [long story]). He thinks he can borrow my car when needed.

I do not like to share my car (or anything really) and he just demands to use it.  He actually said...."I'm going to need the car tomorrow"

WHAT?? You can't even ASK?? I can come up with a pretty plausible excuse for him not to drive my car but it kinda makes me look like a jerk. 

Maybe I need to be a jerk. 

The other day he was going to tag along with me to the library. He got upset because I didn't want to run his other errands besides going to the library. He pouted and decided he didn't want to go to the library after all. He barely spoke to me the rest of the day.  

It would have been funny if it wasn't happening to me.

The worse part about moving my dad in our apartment is he never leaves! 

GONE are my naked Sundays.  One of the best parts about being married is naked Sundays. [if you don't know about naked Sundays well...I suggest you Google]. 

How do people make love with their parents in the other room? I guess it is the same way they did it when we were in the other room. 

Thankfully our rooms are on opposite sides of the apartment but I do wonder how much he can hear. I'm not about to ask. 

I hope these 4 months go by quickly. 




Sunday, September 29, 2013

Moving: The Full Story

I didn't expect everything to go smooth when we're moving. In fact if the last two times we moved tell anything about us we're horrible at moving. This time was not any different. We realized how much shit we actually had while trying to pack, donate or discard it. We underestimated how much time it took to go through everything and pack it. 

The movers came and picked up our stuff and we realized we still had too much shit. We ended up leaving some things at my father-in-laws to be shipped out later. We slept maybe 5 hours in 3 days. We were cranky and tired. 

I had a little breakdown checking in for our flight in the airport. It was 4 a.m. I had not slept in over 30 hours. The agents were being incredibly rude, our tickets didn't actually print from the kiosk, the hubby had to do extra shit because of his gun, it was a hot mess. When I had to return to the counter for the third time I ended up sitting on the bench and crying. Seriously. It wasn't loud sobbing just quiet tears that I needed to release. I was too tired and upset to be embarrassed. 

Then things got worse...

When we arrived to California all my carefully laid plans fell apart. The awesome place to stay was revoked. I'm tempted to talk shit about my cousin and what was said and how I can't believe family treated me so horribly but that should suffice. 

I blame myself. I should have known not to depend on my family (except immediate). I learned that a long time ago and it was a severe lesson to learn again. 

We stayed in a hotel for 3 weeks. My unemployment was stalled. My husband's transfer was lagging. Yes, EVERYTHING was going wrong. We stayed positive and prayed up. It was hard.

The good news is we got a place to stay. It is better than our place in DC.
My unemployment came through. His transfer came through.  

Now we can start living.

Now I need to find a job.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

365 Days of Sex

My friend tweeted an article about a wife who "gave" her husband a gift of sex for a year. The wife was pretty reasonably happy in her marriage but found their sex life lackluster. The wife decided to change it and write a book about it. I almost purchased the book to see how they accomplished the feat. I wanted it to read like a sex diary however the reviews are clear that it is more of a exploration of their life. 

My first thought about the article and book is I call bullshit. It is nearly impossible to have sex everyday because...

Most women have menstrual cycles. Now there are a couple of ways to circumvent this issue- birth control, oral sex, "backdoor", or just go for it. 

2.  Someone does not feel well: I usually don't get sick but in a year I'm am sure I will get sick at least once. I don't know about you but the thought of trying to get it on with a stuffed nose, sore throat and a headache does not put me in the mood. In fact I don't want to be touched. What about those nights you are sick to your stomach? You can't tell me sex is enjoyable with bubble guts. 

3. Someone is exhausted: Granted this is a weak excuse but it does happen. After a day of work, taking care of kids, working on your book and cooking dinner, it is hard to get it up. 

4. Honestly who really wants to have sex everyday? I know some of you are thinking this girl is crazy but put it into food terms. If you have a Cinnabun® every single day for a month wouldn't you get tired of that Cinnabun®. It's nice to skip a day because it makes you want it more. The break makes returning to you lover more exciting. 

Sex does not HAVE to take a nosedive after marriage. I hate that it has become a running joke. My single friends ask me in whispers if it is true that married couples stop having sex. I laugh. I know it is true that some couples are not having sex.  Although you can't prove that from my couple friends (if I get another baby announcement....). Seriously it is not that hard to make sex a priority. After that is it easy to have that special connection at least 345 days a year. 

Maybe I should write a sex diary...Hmmmm

Update: Another interesting article about 365 days of sex 



Monday, August 12, 2013

I hate saying goodbye

Is it wrong of me to not want to say goodbye? We leave for California in ten days. My various groups of friends want to get together for happy hours, dinners and cookouts. I'm not feeling it.

I hate saying goodbye.

I hate being the center of attention.

I'm ok with talking about leaving except to people who try to talk me out of it. It's too late; plane tickets are purchased, movers are scheduled, my mind is set.

Honestly, I don't know if moving to California is a good decision. It is the best decision for the situation now. That is all I can ask for. We (my husband and I) prayed about it. We talked endlessly about it. Once we made the decision I felt awesome about it.

I know I shouldn't complain about having friends that want to see me off. I am blessed. When I moved to DC I knew three people. I met and married my husband-gained a family.  I joined the Sorority and gained a slew of sisters. I've befriended awesome coworkers that I now call friends.

Blessed. Truly Blessed.

Leaving them is not easy. How soon will they forget about me. We will promise to keep in touch. We will for a little bit then it will all be reduced to contact through Facebook. They will promise to visit. I doubt they will actually come but will welcome them if they do.

So in the next two weeks I will finish packing and say goodbye. I'm ready...well except for the packing part. I'm so sick of packing. I'm almost tempted to pay the movers to pack up everything. It seriously might be worth it.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Standing Still

I hate the feeling of not knowing what my next step is. 

I hate not knowing what my next job is. 

I'm am so mad I was robbed of the contentment of the past 10 months. Who knew not having a job would shake me as much as it has?

Basically I'm in flux and I hate it. 

My friend tweeted this morning "Every stage of our life has new challenges and it's important not to miss where you are thinking too hard about where you want to be."  (BTW she borrowed this). It made me shake my head and laugh (smh&lol). 

I am obviously at a new stage in my life- I just earned my masters degree and started a new career, as I just finished my first year teaching. I am seriously thinking hard about what I where I want to be but maybe I am missing out where I am in life. Perhaps I should be enjoying the freedom; no kids,education, no serious need to be near family, an amazing husband. 

Instead I am tortured. Should I stay or should I go? I wanted to move to California in a year but now seems like a opportune time to go but it is such a big decision. My husband and I have been talking about it for two weeks and we still don't have a answer.  

Next week I'm just going to roll the dice. 

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Will I Get Fired for This?....Yes

The title of this blog goes back to the beginning of blog when people were getting fired for what they were writing and publishing. Well I did get fired....but not because of the blog. 

Teachers work on yearly contracts. At the end of the year the principal typically offers the teachers another contract unless they really don't want you. 

I found out through HR that I was not asked back next year. I was completely shocked and unprepared. I am proud that I walked out that lady's office without going off or crying. I even managed to smile at the janitor in the elevator. Inside I was in full panic mode. I have NEVER been out of a job....ever. When my old job had layoffs I managed to not be on the cutting block 3 times.  I was always thankful that I still had a job and I felt bad for my coworkers. It was the weirdest sensation to be on the other side.

I cried in the safety of my classroom.

I talked to another teacher who was in the same boat.

 I talked to my mentor. 

Then  I demanded to speak to the principal-actually I barged in her office because she did not respond to my email in a timely manner. 

Her explanation was It's not you, it's us. The school is up for accreditation and they do not have the time to foster me. WHAT??!!! I found out they let go a bunch of new teachers. It still doesn't make it feel better. I know I'm not the best teacher but I'm new and learning. I've worked so hard with no support from this school. I never expected them to dump me. 

And I do feel dumped. 

I've gone through all the emotions, shock, anger, and denial back to anger. Finally acceptance. 

I'm on the hunt for a new teaching job. I refuse to go running back to my old job. I have been entertaining an idea of moving back to California. We were planning on moving in a couple of years why not take this opportunity now. I hate having so much up in the air but that's life. 

Monday, April 8, 2013

Yes, my hair is straight and natural

Last year I went 6 months without a relaxer just to see if my hair was better without the chemicals. Honestly, I really couldn't tell the different except my hair was harder to manage. This year, when I took my annual summer braids out I was determined to not get a relaxer but find a way to have straight hair.
So I had my hair blown out. (side note: my hairdresser is amazing and does not use a ton of heat) I absolutely loved the results. She chopped almost all the the relaxed ends off. (I was not happy about that. I lost a significant amount of length). The end result is healthy beautiful chemical-free straight hair.
I expect I will wear my hair straight most of the time but I might be willing to try more styles. I've been studying You Tube tutorials hoping that I could replicate their awesome styles. I am nervous. It is hard trying something new and stepping out on a limb especially since everyone is so opinionated about hair. Really, the only opinion I care about is my husbands! (I had a friend tell me her husband hated her natural curly hair).


9 months chemically free and counting.

Pretty Girls Rock Challenge

 So I read about this Pretty Girls Rock Challenge and I thought hey I think I want to try this. Then I thought how can I break up a fight wearing a skirt/dress. However, I will make more of a effort and definitely this summer I will dress like a lady!

Pretty Girls Rock Dresses DRESS CHALLENGE Mission: (March 30- June 30)

1. We will ROCK dresses (skirts) and CUTE SHOES (heels and/or flats) like our mothers and grandmothers at least THREE (3) days a week.

2. We will reject the IMPULSE to throw on jeans, jogging suits (EVEN THE CUTE KIND), and dress slacks.

3. We will exchange our revelations and thoughts throughtout this challenge.

4. We will invite our friends to join.

5. We will include our daughters and young women we mentor.

6. We will take Pictures and Have FUN!!!!

7. Everyone is welcomed to participate.

Exceptions: Flattering/Very Feminine Dress Suits are ALLOWED.

*If you have a blog share with your followers.*

Inspiring women to embrace pretty from the inside out. Dresses are the ultimate sign of feminine power!!

Officially Kicked Off: Friday, March 1, 2013

Let’s bring back:

*GLAMOUR. *GRACE. *CHARM. *FEMININTY. *PRISSYness (is that a word?) and most of all BEAUTY.

PGRDresses Star?

There's Power in the Dress, Purse, and Stiletto!