Thursday, May 3, 2012


Anxiety is a bitch. I think people see it as some current "new aged" problem. Something doctors made up to prescribed pills. In the past few years I have a begun to admit that I have anxiety. It's hard for me because I always thought that it was just me "being me" or that everyone worried like I did. Who knew everyone doesn't have panic attacks??

Recently, I retook the Praxis test (the test to become a teacher). I have extreme test anxiety. I always tell people I don't really need to study or I'm not very good at studying. However that isn't exactly true. Basically if I start studying early that starts my obsessing. I worry, panic, stress, every single time I think about the test. I mean EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I just KNOW I will fail. I imagine and believe the worse. Thankfully my anxiety doesn't stop me from performing although I fear the day it will.

Before the test I start to slide right into a panic attack. It's not unusual or completely unexpected. Years of counseling has taught me a myriad of coping techniques. I refuse to go on meds. Either I'm in denial or I don't really need them yet. I started doing visualization and deep breathing. I know it sounds stupid but once you control the biological reactions you can try start to control the mind. It works enough to prevent full blown panic attack.

The test went okay. If I did perform well, I would still feel like I performed horribly. I pray that I passed so at least I don't have to do it again. It took me at least 4 days AFTER the test to  stop feeling the pressure from it. I'll know the results in 4 weeks. Until then I'll be practicing my breathing techniques!

 PS- I guess I should include a PSA about anxiety being different for everyone. There are many different types of anxiety. It is important to see your health care professional.

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