Monday, November 5, 2007


As we head into the holiday season being single is becoming more acute. It's getting cold outside, decorations are going up (side note: it's too fucking early to put up decor- it's not Thanksgiving yet), and the need to snuggle is intense. The couples have retreated to their caves. The fucking jewelry commercials are on TV. Your family is wondering who you are bringing to dinner.

The pressure.

I'm not going down this road this year. Last year this time...I was in the process of a breakup. I was so happy to be single I didn't have to deal with how shitty outside influences make you feel. I'm feeling it now and I don't like it.

I'm going to fight it. (You should also). Single, proud and I'll find some happiness

Monday, October 1, 2007

The Rules

Fuck dating rules. Yeah you read that right. I'm so sick of my friends quoting dating rules to me. I'm not sure if the rules really work or if it's something we use to convince ourselves that if we follow them they will work. I made the mistake of reading He's Just Not That Into You, now I can not date normally. It was supposed to be this helpful guide for women to figure out if they are wasting their time- well what happens when a guy isn't a typical guy? What happens if a guy defies every rule in the stupid book. What is a girl to do then? I think the best thing is to go with the flow and stop acting crazy.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I agree

DEAR MARGO: This is a dumb guy question, but why do people get married? The institution seems hopelessly outdated. This concept of being with one woman for the rest of your life is totally unnatural from a man's perspective.
The irony is that after a certain length of time being married, most men report being reasonably happy (most lobotomy recipients would probably classify themselves the same way), while a majority of women report themselves miserable. So I'm extrapolating that the concept of marriage works for neither party in the long run. We all know the high cost of divorce as well.
I guess if you want to have kids, it makes sense. What say you?
--- ERIK

Dear Erik:


In case you wanted the real answer:

DEAR ER: Well, people get married for lots of reasons. Among them, love, sex, security, status, other people's expectations or even revenge. We're in quasi-quicksand on this one, because many cultural anthropologists say that it is not in the male's nature to be faithful -- and yet, there are many such marriages.
As for "miserable women," who knows how they would feel were they single? Not to beg the question, but I know of marvelous marriages, along with some you'd think were a punishment from God. If this were more than an idle question, I would say that marriage is for you if you think it is.
To quote an English essayist from a few centuries ago on the subject of remarriage, "It is the triumph of hope over experience." Perhaps the real answer is that men and women, since time began, have wanted to be together, and to be recognized as being together.


Tuesday, August 14, 2007


Friendships are probably the most rewarding relationships we have. They are the family you pick. Ever meet someone and fall them immediately? You’re instant friends. You hang out, chill, talk all the time and share intimate details. You forget that you really don’t know each other. That is of course until someone comes along and shakes it. Someone has infected one of my newest dearest friendships with a disease called mistrust. I wonder if we’re going to handle it well. Maybe after tomorrow it’ll all blow over. True friendship can fight through any disease.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Old Self meet New Friends

The other day I did something that several years ago I would not have given a second thought to. However my “new” friends (by new I mean people who have only known me for 5 years or less) were shocked.

I was going to mount a total defense of my actions. I wasn’t wrong. It was harmless. Yada Yada Yada. But the truth is…it WAS wrong. It was a victimless crime but still wrong. It’s hilarious because my 17 year old self laughed and enjoyed it all. It was a small victory for the immature me I left behind a long time ago. My 26 year-old friends haven’t met that girl. I think they were disappointed. They expect more from me.

I wonder if they knew me then, would they like me. Would we even be friends? By the looks on their faces, I doubt it. I feel lucky that I was able to reinvent myself and that I have grown so much. Still, I do enjoy letting my “child at heart” come out and play-even if she’s a little bad!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Barbaric Assignment

This is a advice column for Journalism students.

Barbaric assignment?

Dear Coach,
I just found out I am covering the rodeo this summer. It is
a huge deal here ..., lasting a few weeks. I hate bulls, bull riding, steer
wrestling, all the events that to me just reek of animal cruelty. Can I refuse
the assignment? How should I deal with a reporting project that I think is
barbaric, with values that make me cringe? – No Bull, Please

Dear No Bull:
Please do not make the mistake this early in your career
of refusing to cover a story because you think the subject is “barbaric.”

This has nothing to do with rodeos. It has everything to do with you.
If you were asked to cover a KKK rally, would you not go because you thought
the KKK immoral?

If you were asked to cover an execution, would you refuse because you
didn’t agree with capital punishment?

A reporter’s job is to deal with the community fairly, accurately,
contextually – without reservation or bias.

Your first obligation is to the truth, just as a doctor’s first obligation
is to heal, or a judge's is to justice. That's why doctors treat enemy
soldiers and judges rule in ways that aren’t always in line with their
personal views.

Some people think rodeos are cruel. But rodeo fans don’t think that at
You are being asked to cover a rodeo – to discover the who, what and why
of the folks who go there and love it. To give people who are not there a sense
of what it is like to be there. Who goes to rodeos? Men, women, white people,
people of different races? What do they like about it? What role does it play in
their community? Where do rodeos fit into American sports, in general? Are they
rising? Fading?

If you bridle at every topic you don’t personally like, then maybe
reporting isn’t for you after all. And that’s OK, too.

For the most part I agree with the journalism "coach". If you are assigned a story you cover it. Sometimes you cover stories that you don't agree with, it comes with the territory. For example I wrote a story on Black republicans. I had to attend a couple of their meetings and try not to roll my eyes or gag. With that said there is NO WAY in HELL I would cover a KKK meetings. Most likely they would never been a Black reporter to cover a KKK meeting but if any editor had ideas, I wouldn't go. NEVER. I don't care if it costs me my job. Rodeos I'll cover. Not a problem.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

I'm Not Buying Any More Gifts!

DEAR MARGO: I am 43 years old and single with many friends, almost all of whom are married with more than one child. Over the years I have been invited (and, of course, had to bring or send a gift) to all of my friends' engagement parties, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, christenings, communions and some birthday parties.
I am now being invited to Sweet 16 parties and being asked for donations for cheerleading events and other fundraisers. Next come school graduations. When will it stop? Perhaps the real question is, how can I put an end to it? Even if I do not go to the parties, the proper thing to do is to send a gift, which defeats the purpose of not going.
I do not want to sound selfish, but I feel as if I have given enough. Would it be rude to throw myself a party (perhaps for my 45th birthday) and register somewhere for gifts?

DEAR SING: I sympathize with your feelings about all the presents you feel obligated to buy with no chance for reciprocity. I disagree that if you don't go, you need to send a gift. You can surely skip the kid-related things unless you have a special relationship with the child.
And oftentimes it really is the thought that counts. There are inexpensive things that are appropriate and serve the purpose. (And no, you may not register, but you certainly could throw yourself a party. I suspect most guests will crash through with a gift, but it will be of their choosing.)

It sucks being single! I'm not close to 43 but I am beginning to see a influx of engagement, bridal shower, wedding and birthday invitations (sometimes from the same person). It's not that I don't want to share in your "events" but it fucked up that I bought an engagement, christenings, and a birthday gift for a couple friend and their daughter this year. You know what they got me for my birthday jack shit! Basically I'm not buying any more gifts or I'm going to do like that guy and start throwing parties for myself and registering for gifts.

ps. There's a old Sex and The City episode where Carrie makes this same point!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Party Like A Rock Star

That song was given to my coworker and myself as our theme song by her boss. In the past three weeks we have organized three happy hours....long happy hours. It's been fun getting to know them. Too much fun. I'm kinda glad I get to take next week off as my liver recovers.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me

I had a great Birthday (June 16). I spent the entire weekend going out and drinking way too much. It was needed and so much fun. I also got another tattoo. I'm pretty sure it'll be my last. I always wanted three. Plus it's not cute to have random tattoos all over your body.

My new job is great. There isn't a whole lot to do, but I'm enjoying it more than EN. The people are unbelievably nice and fun to hang out with. They are close. Everyone says hi to each other. The only weird thing that I haven't gotten use to is, how nice the men are. They OPEN DOORS, they wait until all the women are on the elevator then they board. It's so weird. I'm not use to it, it throws me off everytime.

Friday, June 1, 2007

It's June already...

I can't believe it's June already. The countdown to my birthday begins....

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Time to start something new

I have a new JOB! New company, new city, new people, new building, new new new. I start June 8 and I can't freaking wait. My old job was just dragging me down. The lack of respect, the shitty pay, the long hours, and don't get me started on my staff. I really needed a change I was going crazy. I was tempted to move back to Cali. I still want to but I'm investing in a future here. I can't go running home every time shit starts falling apart.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

It's getting hot in herrree

OK it's getting warm outside and I have been compelled to offer a little advice to the lovely perfume wearing public:

Lay off the perfume/cologne when it's hot. One spray will do. When your body heats up it amplifies the smell (and does something weird with the chemistry of it). Your normal 20-50 pumps of the bottle aren't necessary (even during the winter months). Those of us who are sensitive to that sort of thing would greatly appreciate it. Men are particularly bad about this- just because YOU can't smell it doesn't mean the rest of us can't.

This also apply to strong smelling deodorants.

PS. Those of us who work in customer service for tourists would like to remind you that...sweat....smells. I recommend a small face towel and baby wipes.

Oh and DON'T GIVE US WET MONEY. It's gross

Sunday, April 15, 2007

I didn't check the gym...

Today was the sixth (or so) time I've been to George Washington University's campus. I have one question to ask: where are all the black people non-white people? There is very little diversity on the campus. I'd like to think maybe all the minorities are to busy studying to be walking around or going to the food court, but I'm pretty sure that's a fantasy. At this elite college in the National's Capitol surrounded by a black city with very few minority students attending. It's sad.

It reminds me of a ongoing problem in California, with the new admission standards minority enrollment is steadily declining. They are trying to come up with ways to increase admissions but so far none have worked. What is going to happen in the future (although I secretly hope this will increase HBCU enrollment), it's not good that minorities cannot get into these schools. Why can't we get in? Why aren't our test scores good enough? Is the SAT really bias towards minorities? Should the SAT be the determining factor? We need to find the answers to these questions soon.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Level Exes

I had a complete "Sex and the City " moment the other day. Remember when Carrie ran into Aiden after they broke up the last time? She sees him from behind and he turns around with the baby. Carrie finds out that Aiden is married(?) with child.

So I run into one of my exes and I find out that he has moved on. No biggie I didn't expect him to be at home pinning away for me. What upsets me is that he has moved on to what I consider the next step in life. You know the moving in, buying a home, marriage and kids level. In fact all my exes (and quite a few friends) have seem to be getting to this step. I can't help but think why can't I make there? Is my focus on my education and career impeding my relationships? I don't feel like it should. I keep repeating the same (painful) conversation with people. It's making me sick

Me: Hey how are you doing?
Them: Great. ______ and I have moved in together.
Me: Well that's great.
Them: What are you up to?
Me: Oh just working and going to school
Them: Are you dating anyone?
Me: No
Them: Oh _____ and I are probably going to get engaged (or buy a house) this year. So what happened to that guy you were...
Me: Uhhh yeah we broke up.

Anyway you get the point. I wonder where are all the smart good black men with no kids, a job, a car and who aren't intimated by a strong, educated, independent, (cute) black woman. Oy vey, I'll be single forever.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Cherry Blossom

Cherry Blossom has started and the tourists have arrived. As locals (or transplants) we have to give up the idea that this is our's "theirs" now. I just wish Frommers gave them real tips so in order to help the poor lost souls I'm compiling a list:

Stomie's guide to Washington DC

1. Stay out of Southeast

2. While on the Metro:
a)Stand to the right.
b)When the doors open please stand to the side and let others out. We aren't lucky enough to be on vacation and we actually have places to go-like work.
c) Put extra money on your Metro card
d) Study the map before you leave your hotel

3. Don't Drive

4. Get a map of the area before you start wondering around downtown

5. Stay out of Southeast

6. Do some research- you have get tickets for the Washington Monument, Holocaust museum, Capitol building, and the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. There is more than one "Smithsonian".

To be Continued

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Vacation Time

We all know about the March Madness work production low but a lesser-known but equally dangerous threat to work production is the pre-vacation.

Two weeks before your vacation you start daydreaming about where you'll be in two weeks. You see yourself warm, smiling, laying on the beach with a drink in hand. You're happy. Along with the daydreaming comes spending precious time shopping on the Internet. You just have to buy the sundress you were wearing in your daydream. Congratulations you have effectively lowered your work production by 25%. Couple that with the normal 25% of work time you waste by checking your personal email, blogging and playing Sudoku online. You have now decrease your work production by 50%.

Only one week to go. Now you spend you online time looking for hot spots, making sure you have a rental car, checking the weather reports. There's just not enough time during you lunch hour you just have to take a day off for more last minute shopping and getting your hair, nails, toes done. Not only have you managed to decrease your work production by another 20% you have also scored a "pre-vacation" day off.

The last day of work before freedom. You've actually increased your work production-after all who wants to come back to a work load sitting on their desk? Just when you almost reach your pre-pre-vacation work efficiency you realize that you haven't finished packing! You quietly slip out the back door and unofficially begin your vacation. Enjoy!

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Mis-adventures on Metro

In the past week while ridding Metro, I've been sat on…twice. A couple days ago I was sitting by the window solving a Sudoku puzzle on my DS when a lady made movements to sit next to me. I made sure my jacket was fully clear of the seat next to me giving her plenty of room. The lady, however, backed into the seat (rather than sidestepping) and sat her ass on my arm. She soon realized that this wasn't the seat and adjusted herself. No, she didn't apologize.

Another day, while waiting with hundreds of other stranded passengers for the yellow line (long story), I was leaning against the wall reading the newspaper. An older gentleman walked up and pointed behind me. I thought he was looking at the map directly behind my head. Rather, what he wanted was to squeeze himself in the small space between the stone bench and me. (So technically he didn't sit on me) He leaned on me (half his body covering mine) while trying to push me over (there was a guy to the other side of me. I moved completely out of his way and gave him the evilest look I could give.

What's wrong with these people? I'm not a small girl. Is it possible they underestimated the size of me with my gigantic down feather jacket (hey it's effing cold)? Or maybe the underestimated the size of their bulk included with my bulk. Whatever it is-people better stop sitting on me or I'm going off.

Also, attention seat hogs-It's rude. This includes-but not limited to-spreading your legs really wide. stretching your body across two seats, putting your bag/briefcase/newspaper in the seat next to you, sitting in the middle of two seats or (my personal pet peeve) sitting on the outer seat leaving the inner seat open (am I supposed to crawl over you to sit?). Well, guess what we don't want to sit next to you either- our feet are just tired.


I always start blogs and 6 months later I somehow become disenchanted with my writing or ultimately trapped and forced to forgo what I really want to write about because of my readers. So the new plan is to write and tell no one. My blog will be lost in a sea of blogs, unknown to my friends and my semi-loyal readers. I think I’ll prefer it this way.